Back in the Saddle Again

I was finally able to get Lizard back on his bike for a short ride last weekend before Mary Carter Greenway got too hot and/or too crowded. We had a delightful ride, saw a lot of wildflowers, and got swept up by pelotons (teams of riders training for upcoming organized rides) more than once.

Almost every group that passed us asked if we are going to be riding the MS-150 this year. I was wearing one of my cherished Premium Pedaler jerseys, of which I am still mighty proud. Elephant Rock would have been last weekend, but the pandemic killed it. Ride the Rockies would have begun next weekend, but it has died, too. The MS-150 is still alive and kicking, and will start in two weeks. But no, we likely will not be doing any more long rides. However, I am grateful for every little ride we get!

And I'm so grateful I got to see wildflowers again!

Lizard said getting passed by so many riders doesn't make him feel bad anymore. He used to hate when he got "chicked", or passed by a girl. Now, he says he feels like he is doing Ride the Rockies again. What a delightful way to spend an hour very early on a summer morning!

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Couch Life

TV was never really our thing prior to PD (Parkinson's). Now that we can't be weekend warriors anymore, TV is just about our only outdoor solace, especially in winter.

People with Parkinson's generally do not die of Parkinson's. They die from falls caused by Parkinson's. That makes me a real stick-in-the-house when it comes to risk in icy conditions. Too much is already happening to Lizard. I don't want anything to make it worse.

We used to love making the March trip south to Monte Vista for the annual sandhill crane festival. I've wanted to return there for the last two years. I'm not sure we'll be able to take that kind of trip anymore. Thank heavens for livestream sandhill crane migration!!!

We used to love to cross country ski on the Grand Mesa. We did try last year, but that four-hour road trip (which now takes us six to eight hours) does Lizard in. I did get a few snowflake photos, but Lizard was not able to tolerate the cold, the crowds or the restless legs that were magnified by the hours spent in the car.

We actually could watch downhill skiing livestream, but neither of us wants to do that. However, we are able to see all our favorite winter sport competitions, such as skiing, figure skating, ice dancing, biathlon and, yes, cross country skiing, a day or so late, which delay doesn't bother us at all. I will never give up hope we can don the cross country skis again one day, but it's fun to watch winter sports together, warm, in the comfort of our own living room, too. With a cup of sugarless hot cocoa!

We dreamed of international travel. That's probably not going to happen now. But we've sure enjoyed documentaries on Antarctica, Greenland, Iceland, Svalbard, New Zealand and South Georgia Island. After you've finished all the documentaries, YouTube starts recommending travelogues and cruise ship reviews/promotional videos. And some of them have been enjoyable. Nothing like taking a luxury cruise without paying a dime! We did discover we're not really into the luxury aspect of cruises. We're more interested in the Zodiac and helicopter tours than fine dining or luxury suites. We'd both be fine with almond butter and jelly sandwiches we packed along for the trip! (Because, of course, we can bring our own homemade and sugarless versions!)

Snow monkeys in Japan were high on our bucket list, too. We found some of the most delightful videos that can actually put us to sleep at night! Then we can pick up where we left off the next night, and very likely fall alseep again. There's enough video to last four or five nights (with the TV on 30-minute auto off). Yes, we've done that.

Since I was a little girl, I've wanted to see the northern lights in person. That's probably not going to happen now. But there are livestreams! And when we get big solar storms, such as the dynamos that launched last week, we can enjoy the northern lights from the comfort and warmth of our own living room, and not suffer a single overcast, heavy clouds disappointment. When the skies are not cooperative, we can change the chanel and watch something else. While sipping on our sugar-free hot chocolate!

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Resilience

We’ve been shut-ins the past three months dealing with Parkinson's-induced health issues. We've been walking around the block the last couple of weeks, and last weekend we enjoyed our first hike since last summer. Lizard "hit a wall" about 3/4 of the way through this hilly 2.2-mile loop, and I wondered if I'd have to flag a park ranger to get us back to our car. But Lizard pressed on and said he finally got his second wind about a quarter mile later. He completed the entire loop! Each time Parkinson's throws a road block at us, we are never sure how much he will get back. I honestly did not know if he'd be able to do more than a few hundred feet today, but he's constantly vowing to kick Parkinson's to the curb. Boy, did he ever do that today!!!

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Rainy Days and Ride Days Always Get Me

It's been a while since I've done a Parkinson's update. I get discouraged sometimes because Lizard is losing so much so fast. I guess I stopped talking about it here because I didn't want to be a Debby Downer. Some days the future seems so bleak. Not just at home, but in the world. I've decided some attitude adjustment is in order.

One of my friends told me last week about losing her first husband to ALS. When I get discouraged about Parkinson's, I really need to think about those who've got it worse. ALS travels MUCH faster than Parkinson's, and ALS takes no prisoners. There is no real medication to ease the symptoms. They can delay the inevitable three to six months. There have even been a few cases when patients have beaten the odds for more than two years. But generally speaking, ALS is FAR, FAR worse than Parkinson's.

Bicycle rides so far this year have not been the day brightener they were last year. Every ride seems shorter and slower. For all the feelings I've been battling, Lizard's fighting it even harder. Some days, it takes everything he's got to even want to get on the bike. I think knowing what's happening to his body is playing a big role, but also, there is progression we haven't been able to slow, no matter how hard we try. So often, he describes it as, "I just don't have any legs."

When we do get out, oh, how wonderful it is to be outdoors, to see wildflowers and wildlife, to remember the adventures of days gone by. We took a short ride up Waterton over the weekend. We'd hoped we'd be able to do at least the shortest Elephant Rock route that day, as it was the final Elephant Rock. So many of our favorite rides have not survived two years of postponement. Many of our favorite rides have been sold; at least they are still going, but it feels as if everything has changed so drastically.

Elephant Rock's shortest route is - make that WAS - 12 miles. Lizard can barely do three miles these days. So I donned one of my favorite Elephant Rock jerseys, and we pedaled a short distance up Waterton instead.

Waterton Canyon is awesome therapy! We are so blessed to have such a beautiful and easy ride so close. Wildflowers are beginning to poke through the canyon walls, and there are almost always wildlife photo opportunities.

We waited until after the afternoon high, knowing Lizard would be able to go a little further if the temperature was a little cooler. Humidity was about as high as I've ever felt it in the canyon. But we were treated with a nice little rain shower on the way back down, which really cooled us off. I worried Lizard, who has no cold tolerance anymore, would be miserable. But when we reached the car, he said he felt refreshed.

Just as we were finishing up the ride, a muted pastel rainbow appeared, the first one we've seen in a while. I thought about the Biblical promise connected to rainbows. In spite of hardship, I need to remember God's always got us on His radar. I need to do my part and keep my attitude out of the bitter swamp. And He's given me an abundance of paint and canvas to help me do just that!

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365

Tomorrow marks a solid year of us walking every single day. Thursday begins a new year. I haven't decided yet whether to continue keeping track. Sometimes it feels pretty neat to look forward to each new milestone, like 500 days, 1,000 days... But sometimes it feels like one more thing I have to do. And this year I've been trying to pare down unnecessary tasks.

Many of the walks the past three months have been indoors due to weather/ice. I can't afford risking Lizard falling.

Many of our walks the last month have been the length of our house because his non-bionic knee (his humorous term) is acting up again. We visited the ortho specialists again, and thankfully, surgery is not recommended. Literally, thank heavens.

Now we wait to see if insurance will pay for joint lubrication. If not, we may have to pay out of pocket. Whatever happens, we have to keep walking. Activity is the key to slowing the progression of Parkinson's. Both of us are determined to beat this monster back with every ouce of strength and resolve we can muster.

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Memories and Goals

This gem popped up in my memories last Thursday and nearly brought me to tears. Happy tears, and intensely sad tears.

I remember sitting on pins and needles each year near midnight, waiting for the Ride the Rockies route to be announced. Not being able to sleep until we could see the new route. Then waiting on pins and needles to find out if we'd been drawn. Training like crazy in hopes we'd be ready if we were drawn. Then training like crazy the years we were drawn.

Ride the Rockies is no longer a lottery. It doesn't sell out anymore, so we can just register and be in. That's exciting, but it also takes away some of the anticipation. And it eliminates the overwhelming disappointment a registrant would experience when they learned six weeks later they had not been drawn. Ask me how I know that story so well... Eight times, I didn't get drawn. But eight times, I did!

Our cycling springs and summers were such a way of life. A real struggle some years with my own health issues, but always something Lizard and I could do together. Something we always looked forward to together. And now just memories. That's where the sadness comes in. We now know we might not be able to do another Ride the Rockies. We decided last year not to let go of our dreams, but to create new dreams.

We watched the virtual Ride the Rockies route announcement this year and were horrified to learn the ride had been sold yet thrilled to learn the new management is making the newer option of a one-day route (started perhaps three years ago) available every single day of the weeklong ride. We fantasized about picking our favorite day of the ride and riding just that day, as far as Lizard can go. If he made it only five or ten miles, it would still be better than staying home and sitting on the couch. Watching YouTube videos weeks later of other riders' experiences.

This year's route didn't really appeal to us, and I'd already signed Lizard up for the Triple Bypass, which has been moved from July to August. That's his favorite ride, and The Triple also offers a shorter route option this year. Lizard has an additional month to train, too, to ride however far he can.

We really loved last year's Ride the Rockies route, which was supposed to be the 2020 route, which, of course, had to be postponed. We thought life might be returning a little to normal then, but, thanks to Parkinson's rigidity, Lizard twisted his knee getting out of bed one winter morning just a little more than a year ago and couldn't even walk for six weeks while the torn miniscus settled down and the stress fracture healed. We'd been walking for approximately 73 consecutive days when he got grounded. The one-year annivesary of our brand new walking streak happens near the end of this month. Getting back on his bike took longer, and he had to start over from scratch when he finally was able to get back in the saddle.

We knew prior to his injury last year he probably wouldn't be able to do Ride the Rockies, so we planned our own little Ride the Rockies route. We were going to do two or three miles each day of Ride the Rockies, but at home, working our way around a nearby reservoir on new-to-us bike paths we'd discovered the winter before. Because of the injury, we couldn't even do that.

I shared my March 2017 memory on Facebook last week because it hit me so hard. My daughter (in another state and unaware at the time it was but a memory, not a new joyful announcement) showed it to her five-year-old daughter and told her all about Grandma and Grandpa riding up and down mountains every year. My granddaughter proudly announced she wants to go with us this year.

We can't do Ride the Rockies this year, and Lizard might not be able to do the entire Triple Bypass. But I'll bet we can do our own little Ride the Reservoir! And I bet I know a soon-to-be first grader who could complete that route right alongside us!

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Back in the Saddle Again

538 days ago, Lizard completed what we both feared would be his last ride ever, shown above. Back in August of 2018, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's, possibly early onset, but his cycling had held it at bay. By the end of 2018, the Parkinson's forced him to retire from his job.

The key to Parkinson's is staying active. We tried SO hard to do just that. But knee pain was robbing him of his ability to walk, as well as pedal. The Parkinson's began to take a higher toll by the month. A new knee was scheduled for September, but pre-op resulted in yet another diagnosis, as well as a surgery delay. Lizard also has Graves Disease.

His thyroid was normalized by December, and the new knee was installed. The surgeon warned us the trauma of surgery might make the Parkinson's worse. It did. But we were so happy to be able to walk together again, and we had great faith and hope Lizard would be able to ride again one day. We even thought, not knowing what 2020 would become, we might be able to be back on the bikes and in shape to Ride the Rockies for the 35th anniversary tour, which would have been that June. The ride got delayed until this year, just like everything else in 2020.

Lizard did, however, get back on his bike after months of physical therapy. We were trying to increase our mileage so we could do Ride the Rockies. We still had no clue it would be postponed a year. By April 29, 2020, we were up to 13 miles. Progress was slow, but 13 miles was better than sitting on the couch! But at the end of that ride, Lizard couldn't get his leg over the bike to dismount. Words cannot describe the fear that enveloped both of us as within days, he was unable to walk.

I thought it was the Parkinson's. Our neurologist, like all other doctors all over the state, was unable to see patients in the office until about June. We had a few telehealth calls to discuss the rapid progress of the Parkinson's, but some things just can't be diagnosed over the phone.

The day our neurologist was able to see patients again in his office, he called and asked if we could come right in. And that we did. He ran a few tests, and he determined back pain was the culprit.

Another surgery, along with another warning the trauma might cause the Parkinson's to get worse, was scheduled for August. Lizard got a new back. He had to learn to walk again. And he had to learn to ride his bike again. He had to learn to talk loud again. He had to learn to sort again. He had to learn to work a computer and a phone again. There's still much to be done, and we work on his skills, his balance, his gait and his voice every single day.

There are days when he isn't sure he will ever get back what he lost. And he may not get it all back. But he's not giving up the fight.

He sometimes watches his old GoPro descents for motivation. He even pulled out the old GoPro to see if he can get it working again. In June of this year, he was finally able to get back on his bike. He rode to the stop sign and back while neighbors who stayed nearby just in case we needed help cheered and built his confidence even more. Within a couple of weeks, he was trying to ride up Waterton Canyon again. On September 11th, he finally was able to make it to the top of the canyon.

We've learned we truly can't take big bites yet. We'd learned in PT we can't increase distance or effort by 10% each ride or even each week. We have to increase every six weeks or so. But the more Lizard rides, the better he feels. The more active he becomes, the more we're able to control the gruesome tremors and restless legs. His balance is improving. His legs are getting a little stronger. And he's still relearning what LOUD therapy taught him a year ago. Parkinson's skews everything and makes him think he's yelling when he's merely mumbling softly.

We spent a week in Grand Junction with his family last month, and for the first time since April 2020, Lizard was able to ride every day. Only three to six miles, but better than sitting on the couch! It's something we try to continue now back at home, but my work often gets in the way. Soon, weather is going to be the biggest hurdle.

I got the bright idea in Grand Junction to try to get a shot of Lizard with an airplane soaring above him. I'd done a similar shot of my son in Alaska back in the 1990s, and Lizard was game to try. He LOVES aircraft!

We weren't able to be in the right place at the right time, thanks to restless legs and what may have been flight delays, so I photoshopped a jet into the photo, and you can darn sure bet we'll be trying to do this for real next time we're back in canyon country! For now, the photo gives him lots of reasons to keep trying and to keep riding.

Last weekend, Lizard was ready to try once again the very same trail he thought had ended his cycling passion last year. Initially, he wanted to park in a different spot to begin the ride because he was afraid the same lot might jinx him. I convinced him the parking lot is fine, the bicycle is fine, the trail is fine, and he is fine. We could do this!

And he did!!! He rode six miles on the trail he was afraid he'd never be able to ride again. Many of our rides these days wipe him out for a day or more, but he's sleeping better than he ever did last year, and when he's ready to get back on that bike again, his smile can light up the darkest day!

There is still so much going on in this world that keeps many from doing what they want to do and being where they want to be. There are so many things we miss, thanks to Parkinson's. But we aren't giving up. We're going to keep fighting this thing, and we're going to have wins. We might not be able to do another Ride the Rockies, and he might not ever be able to do another Triple Bypass. But if he can ride a few miles each day, that's better than sitting on the couch!

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Double Century!

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Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Back in late March or very early April, I posted to social media a photo of Lizard getting his vaccination. I'd had to work very hard to get first-shot appointments for both of us so early because he was one month shy from the then-current eligibility age and his "other" special needs factors did not fall neatly into my state's official criteria (even though I, along with thousands of others, had unsuccessfully petitioned our governor to move people with neurological conditions up in priority), and vaccination appointments throughout the Denver metro area for the first three months were extremely hard to come by (which, in retrospect, was a very good thing... most people WANTED to be vaccinated).

Lizard's vaccination appointment was nothing short of a pure miracle, which I might elaborate upon one day, but not right now.

My own appointment was finally earned - within my age eligibility period - because I was willing to search city by city and then to drive to another distant metro area where appointments were available. I didn't want to wait. I'd lived in isolation with Lizard quite long enough, and even though we still are staying pretty much to ourselves because I'm trying to keep him safe, I was done with not being able to have in-person contact with anyone but his doctors and the pharmacist.

My decision to get vaccinated was not automatic or overnight, however.

For most of 2020, I had serious reservations about a vaccination that had not been, in my mind, fully tested or approved. I was scared. Downright terrified. I've had reactions to a few vaccinations, and I've always been careful about which ones I agree to have administered. Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty diligent about anything I put in my body. Plus, I'm not overly impressed by most politicians, and I don't really trust government. I also tend to have a pretty strong immune system. I generally don't get sick. So I completely understand and respect the feelings and genuine fears of others.

Some of my friends who bear such feelings expressed their concern when I posted Lizard's vaccination photo. They literally begged me not to get jabbed, and I knew it was because they care about me. But I'd already been through the emotional wringer during the summer of 2020 (right after I'd learned Lizard was going to have to undergo another surgery... during a pandemic!!!) when I tried to quell anger on both sides of the mask issue. I almost posted that story here when it happened but decided it wasn't worth losing another friend.

Yes, I lost a friend last year... because I don't think masks work. I wear masks. I've made masks which I've given away to hundreds of people. I did not sell a single one. I gave them away because I love the people I gave them to. I gave away all my hoarded elastic back when you couldn't find elastic to crafters doing the 500-mask challenge because I didn't have time to make that many masks, and it was the best I could do to help. There is a colossal difference between not wearing a mask and not believing masks work.

I can smell cigarette smoke (or forest fire smoke!) when I'm double-masked or wearing a filtered mask. Smoke particles are gigantic compared to the virus particles. Every person I know who got the virus regularly wore masks. In my opinion, masks lull people into a false sense of security. Some people think the mask is keeping them 100% safe. I don't think they do. So, yes, I am a mask hater. But I am a mask wearer.

By the time my worried friends and loved ones expressed their vaccination concerns, I'd already received my first shot, too. I'd planned to post a photo of it because I was so happy to have been able to finally get the first shot. In light of what happened last year when I tried to be a peacemaker, I decided to keep my mouth shut, my keyboard and blog opinion-free and my social media temporarily free of selfies.

And yet, I still had what I believed was a powerful story I yearned to share. I just didn't have the guts.

Last week, I read a most fascinating, wonderful, well-researched, humble and poignant tale by a member of my church of going against his own vaccination fears and following our prophet. I realized I should have followed my heart back in April and posted my own story instead of cowering to the fear of being confronted by well-meaning friends and loved ones.

Hopefully, it is not too late to share my own story. I have believed for several months now it is worth sharing.

When I learned some of the people who have recovered from COVID-19 are being diagnosed months later with Parkinson's (or other neurological conditions), my protectiveness toward Lizard really ramped up. As stated above, I petitioned our governor to move people with neurological conditions up on the list of vaccination priority. Thousands of voices were not heard. Lizard would have to wait until his age category was eligible, which was still nearly two months away at that point.

Yet I still did not know whether I wanted either of us to receive the vaccinations. My heart literally was in knots.

I prayed mightily and did all the research I could, including a once-published but now-purged interview with someone from one of the pharmaceutical companies describing the research that had been done and how testing was being done to speed up the process in the hopes of stopping this virus in its tracks. (The article, published during the summer of 2020, apparently contained intellectual properties and has been scrubbed from even internet archives.) Months later, I was devastated to learn the article had been removed because I thought the information contained therein might be helpful to others who were not sure about the vaccine. And I hoped like heck the person being interviewed hadn't been fired because the information provided had been a literal answer to my prayers. I felt as if God had put that article in front of me so I would know when I received the answer to my prayers that there would be no need for doubt.

And I did receive an answer. I felt calm, and I felt an assurance that it would be okay for Lizard to be vaccinated. There were no voices; there was no baseball bat hitting me across the head. Just the most peace I'd felt the entire previous 13 or so months. I told Lizard of my research and my answer, and I told him he would have the final say as to whether he would be vaccinated, but I was no longer afraid. He was still far from whole at that point, but he trusted me, and he trusted God and agreed to be vaccinated when he became eligible.

Within a couple of days or so, Russell M. Nelson, leader of my church, was vaccinated. He is a retired surgeon. I trust him not only as a leader of my church, but as a medical expert. His vaccination and going public about it served as an exclamation point to my decision for both Lizard and me to be vaccinated. Some of my friends and loved ones continue to share videos and articles expressing doubts and concerns, but I have never doubted the answer to my own prayers.

I've learned over the years to recognize an answer to prayer when I receive it, and I've learned not to question my answers. I trust the Lord. He knows what He is doing.

Last week, during a short mid-week church Zoom discussion, one of the participants expressed gratitude that the world's prayers have been answered. Worldwide we prayed for an end to the pandemic, and now we have several vaccines, including one that has been fully approved. I had not considered the vaccines in that perspective, but I, too, am so grateful for the effort which went into developing, testing and administering the vaccines so light can at long last be seen or at least perceived at the end of the tunnel.

The tunnel may still be overwhelming and even dark in some places, but there is hope. And I am thankful for it. In the last two years, I have experienced enough grief, angst and depression to make my cup runneth over. I needed hope. I needed to know things eventually will get better. And I guess I needed to know my Heavenly Father loves me enough to provide a personal answer to me when I am at the lowest I have ever been.

Tomorrow we celebrate a year of being free from acute rehab following Lizard's back surgery. And, thanks to the vaccine, we can celebrate that one day, we might be able to overcome the dangers of this virus and be able to gather with friends and loved ones, without masks or distancing, once again.

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