shortsidedness

Shortsighted, ridiculous, outrageous, and taxes out of control. I will be submitting my comments (Thursday deadline), and it's going to take everything I've got to keep from being angry and rude.

It's worded so poorly, any Colorado resident who photographs a wild animal in their backyard can be fined if they try to sell the photo. People like me who sell wildlife photos (and pay all applicable taxes and fees when entering parks, refuges and recreational areas) and barely make $10 per year would have to buy a $250 annual permit in addition to costs already being paid in order to sell (such as Etsy fees, printing costs, annual photo gallery costs, applicable copyright fees, equipment and maintenance costs, etc.).

Artists will have to pay the annual fee!!! To draw or paint wildlife in Colorado! Who is going to check to see where each artist got their inspiration?!?

As others have mentioned, professional photographers are often more environment- and ethics-aware than the average enthusiast such as phone-toting amateurs who regularly harass wildlife, trample nature while in pursuit and ignore regulations.

Yes, I'm ticked. But I'm going to try not to show it when I draft my comments.

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Friday Fortius

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Rolling Through Spring

I received many meals for a month following Lizard's passing. The best one, of course, was the gift basket with soup, rolls and cookies.

But there were other memorable offerings, too. I received a loaf of homemade cherry bread, similiar to raisin bread, but with cherries. I'm sorry for not photographing it. (Above is the last loaf of homemade bread I made for Lizard.)

One of my cycling friends brought me a tray of spring rolls from a nearby restaurant to which I'd never been. I'm not even sure I'd ever had a spring roll before. The peanut sauce that came with the meal was addictive.

I wished I had discovered this restaurant while Lizard could enjoy it, too. I'm not sure he would have liked it as much as I did, but I do wish we'd been able to try the menu together.

As a result of this new sensation, I decided I need to learn to make spring rolls. I could not find most of the ingredients at my local little grocery store. I found rice paper, ginger and sprouts in a neighboring town. (I grow my own sprouts, but I don't have quite enough yet.)

My first attempt was a total bust. I followed the directions on the back of the package of rice paper, which said to use hot water to soften the wrappers. My first spring rolls were more like spring salad or spring mess. The wrappers did not wrap; they just tore and left little goodies all over the counter and kitchen floor. I should have taken a photo.

I looked up "how to make spring rolls easier". I found a suggestion to use cold water and begin before the paper fully softens. My second batch worked much better. I think it's going to take some practice, but I was able to enjoy my second set of spring rolls at the table without making such a mess. Next, I'm going to try making my own homemade peanut sauce, but with almond butter instead of peanut butter.

UPDATE: I tried again over the weekend, and one of my spring rolls actually looks like a spring roll!!! I'm getting the hang of this!

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Endurance

This was one of Lizard's favorite videos. He dreamed of doing the CTR and the Tour Divide. I've recently been realizing he accomplished something much more difficult. He battled Parkinson's every single day for eight years, and he kept fighting even when he felt like crap. He is my hero.

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Coming Back to Life

(affiliate links to my designs)

I'm rediscovering me.

Never Stop Serving
by Snowcatcher

In some ways, it's difficult to go back to "normal". I used to tell my kids normal is a setting on a washing machine, not something we should try to emulate in real life.

"Normal" doesn't seem to be attainable anymore in my life right now. I know I will heal in time, but the pain is always going to be there.

So I'm trying to find ways to create that help me heal. I hope what I create can help others who are in pain heal, too.

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Begin Again

About 14 months ago, I re-opened my Etsy shop and set up a social media page to increase the visibility of all my websites. Because I'd retired. And medical bills did not.

I've put a nearly daily effort into maintaining the social media site to try to bring in more traffic to my Etsy shop, my Zazzle shop, my Spoonflower shop, my greeting cards and my photography. I couldn't do any longterm time commitments because Lizard's needs are too great, and that's my priority. But every litte thing helps the bottom line, especially with the dental bill. Is there a toothy smiling emoticon???

Saturday, my social media world came crashing down around me as I unexpectedly lost administrative access due to perhaps pushing a wrong button when navigating the prompts that would occasionally pop up to con me into some other service I did not want or need. The 14 months I've put into the Snowcatcher social media page were suddenly a relic of the past, and something I could no longer manage. The page is still there and viewable. But I cannot access any of the data, and I can't respond to messages sent to that account. I can't even read messages sent to that account.

I spent nearly three hours with various AI bots trying to help me figure out the problem, all to no avail. I finally got a real human, which didn't last long enough because I was suddenly having to prove who I am and ownership of my assets. I wasn't fast enough in documenting all that was requested of me, and the "conversation" was terminated. I've tried to initate conversations with other real humans, but the AI bots are either unresponsive or not transmitting the data.

I melted down into a puddle of tears three times on Saturday, perhaps realizing I would have to just start over again, plain and simple. I didn't want to. I wanted back the work I'd put into building the page.

About halfway through the Saturday ordeal, the sound of a cash register emerged from my phone. I'd made my third sale on Etsy since I re-opened the shop!!! I quickly notified the buyer I would get the package to the post office within the hour but that I may have already missed the deadline for the package to go out that day. And Monday was a holiday. Tuesday would be the earliest it could go out.

The buyer did not respond, so perhaps was aware the package might not be trackable until today.

I prepared the label to ship my package, and once again, third time's a charm, my printer would not print. After battling the printer for a good half hour, I drove to the nearest Kinko's to print my label. Also printed my coloring page handouts for my class on Sunday. SO, so thankful I did that instead of wage war with the printer again.

I've had to replace my printer three times since I began working from home in March of 2020. My sweet neighbors have a grandson I'm convinced will be a rocket scientist like his dad when he grows up. He has asked for each of my failed printers, phones, computers, external hand drives... He takes them apart to see how they work. He's 13 now, and he can build a computer by himself. My current printer will find such a good new home this week! I feel a tiny bit guilty for getting joy out of knowing what is to become of that piece of machinery. But I'm also so thrilled to be contributing to this boy's curiosity and drive.p>

I decided to stay away from the computer all day Sunday to reduce the stress I might be inflicting upon Lizard. NOTE: Awesome day, in spite of everything that transpired the day before. Oh, and a live support agent tried to call me in the middle of the night too early Sunday morning, when my phone was silenced to prevent anything from waking Lizard. Probably lost out on my final chance to talk to a live person, but Lizard got a good night's sleep, for which I am so grateful.

Monday morning I was back at my computer trying to get help, and nothing worked. Nothing the support agents suggested worked. I still had no access. And I'd re-read Patrick Kearon's message on fresh new beginnings, and I decided to seize a fresh, new beginning. I started my Snowcatcher page all over again from scratch and asked my 435 friends and loved ones to please smash that like button and follow once again. I'd never begged for attention like that before, and I hope I don't have to do it again. But I was amazed at the outpouring of love I received within minutes.

The best part of this whole experience, though, was during one of my salty tear weak spots, when Lizard, who'd been offering to do anything he could to help (he isn't able to operate a phone or a computer anymore), responded to my heartbroken plea of, "Will you still love crybaby me me in heaven?" He put his hand on my knee and responded with such tenderness, "Of course." Boy, did I ever marry the right guy!

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Park It, Son

This isn't the blog post I had planned for today. I had to rearrange the schedule after I finally got to watch "Still", the Michael J. Fox documentary I've been wanting to see for about a couple of years now. My emotions right now are all over the charts.

The language was so bad, I would have turned it off had it not been such an important subject matter for my family. The documentary was so painful to watch, and yet, I needed to see it. I'm glad I watched, and I wish I hadn't watched. Does that make sense?

"You can't pretend you don't have Parkinson's." OUCH. My tears would not stop falling. And I was so friggin' angry at the woman who made me fight 2.5 years for Lizard's disability classification because, in her words, "He can put stamps on letters. He can wear diapers." Oh, just pretend you don't have Parkinson's. No one will notice. Your dignity means nothing.

I feel like I grew up with Michael J. Fox because he is just a couple of years older than me, and although I didn't watch much TV or many movies back then, I feel like Michael J. was in everything I did watch. This documentary made me wish even more I had grown up with Lizard so we could have married 20 years earlier and shared an extra two decades of awesome adventures. I still think we could have had the most awesome cycling kids!

Tracy Pollan Fox is one of my heroes because she has stayed with Michael J. all this time, even when he was in denial and making it worse. She has always been his best friend. 37 years. That helps me know I can make it, too. I can do this.

We can do this. Yes, there are going to be hard days. Hard weeks. Hard years. But we can do this. We will do this, and do it well.

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Change of Heart

Typically, when I ask AI to render an image to illustrate one of my blog posts, it takes several renderings before I can finally get something at least a little close to the artwork I can see in my head. Not this time! AI got it right on the first render!!! (The AI-generated exploding laptop video below took three tries, and I gave up after that.)

Sometimes, the frustration of working with AI is not that much different from trying to eek a bit more life out of a 2016 laptop.

Why do I even trust this stupid piece of machinery anymore??? I have a 2022 model I'm using right now to type this. (Besides the fact that the new computer is on a standing desk, and sometimes, it's just nice to sit...) The old laptop is no longer supported. It can't run most of my programs. And it crashes so darned often!

The main reason I keep the old laptop is because it runs a legacy version of Photoshop, which runs filters and actions I purchased years and years ago. The new laptop doesn't support that version of Photoshop, and I can't run any of my purchased filters on the new laptop. New versions of most of these filters were never created. There are all kinds of tutorials on YouTube demonstrating how to create the effects, such as kaleidoscopes, which was (and still is) my favorite Photoshop filter. I've actually learned how to manually make kaleidoscopes. But I like the old filter MUCH, MUCH better. I used to play with that thing for hours.

I have two apps on my phone that create kaleidoscopes as I take photos. They are fun to play with, but the control just isn't as refined.

And then there are the Fractalius filters. I don't use them as often anymore, but I loved having them so I could use them when I had the inkling to do so. I've purchased them again for the new computer. They've never worked. I've tried every mode of help I can find, and we cannot get the filters to work on my newer laptop.

So every once in a while, I resort to editing photos on the old laptop. It's something I can do quietly while Lizard is watching television. Here is my most recent old laptop Photoshop Fractalius image.

I've also become very accustomed to responding to emails on the old laptop for the very same reason. I can do it quietly while Lizard is watching TV. I can do Bible study on the old laptop because it doesn't interfere with Lizard's nightly Star Trek obsession. Last April, I realized I could keep notes from General Conference on the old laptop while Lizard and I watched the live stream together. I planned to do the same thing again during the October General Conference.

I began having difficulty accessing the internet on the old laptop three days before Conference began. No big deal, really, because I don't do much internetting on that computer other than email. I just need it to save what I create to my private network so I can later access it on the newer computer. I should have taken that hint to not be so trusting of old technology. But did I listen to the prompting???

By the third speaker during the first Saturday session, I'd lost internet access on the old laptop (the TV was still fine, so I knew it wasn't an internet outage). Not a problem, except that I couldn't save my notes to my network. I decided to reboot to see if that would make a difference. I had to take notes from the next two speakers on my phone because the old laptop takes so long to start up. When I finally got back onto the old laptop, I still couldn't access the internet. So I couldn't email my phone notes to myself to copy and paste. I had to retype them. I was frustrated. But I had my notes. I had to repeat this process in the afternoon and then again in the evening. I was growing in frustration, but I had my notes.

Sunday morning, the same thing happened. This time, the laptop would not even save my notes from the first two speakers. I'd made the fatal mistake of saving all of my conference notes from each of the sessions in one document. I was scared I was going to lose all my notes from Saturday, too. I took photos of the computer screen before I attempted to reboot, then checked my new laptop to see if I had anything at all on the network. The network copy had only the first two speakers from Saturday. I was beyond frustrated. I was ready to yell. I wanted to throw the old laptop out the back window.

While this was happening, Ulisses Soares was speaking. Even though I was frustrated and even desperate in trying to save my notes, I was listening. I was modifying my behavior as he spoke because of the things he said. I never yelled. I didn't slam anything. I did cry. Boy, did I cry. But I acted with temperance, something that doesn't always come naturally for me these days. I shut down the old laptop. I moved the newer laptop into the living room and set it up so I could retype all my notes I'd photographed with my phone. I finished taking notes from the morning session of conference, then spent the break retyping what I'd lost. I then "rewound" the morning session of conference to listen to Elder Soares again to make sure I absorbed every single thing he said. And I'm glad I did. I needed it. I need to listen to this talk every single day until I can change my heart and my instincts. I want to be more Christlike. And I'm thankful for the lesson this experience has taught me.

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Back... Back in the Saddle Again!

We've been working hard since March to try to get my sweet Lizard back on his bike. We even got him back into PT in an attempt to regain flexibility and mobility. He has worked harder than ever and refuses to give up. Blessings continue to rain down upon us... my Lizard finally did it Saturday! He's back! He's back in the saddle again! (Hope I planted the Aerosmith song firmly in your ear! 🤩)

This is how you celebrate the best day of the year. (He was thoroughly exhausted. But he did it!!!)

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Friday Fortius

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Friday Fortius

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Date Day

We had planned to go to the Labor Day Lift Off in the Springs on Saturday for the balloon glow, when they light the balloons up at dusk but don't fly. We went for this event last year, but that was back when Lizard was still having horrific hallucinations, and we weren't able to stay long enough to photograph the balloons reflecting in the lake as planned.

We checked the Colorado Springs weather forecast Saturday morning, and it wasn't looking promissing. We often joke about being the jinx at any balloon festival. We once went to Albuquerque for four days, hoping the balloons would go up at least one day, and high winds cancelled all four days, as well as a fifth, had we been able to stay. This often happens at any balloon festival we try to attend. We don't do it much anymore because road trips are so hard on Lizard, but the Springs are so close, comparatively, I do try to go for at least one event each year if he's feeling up to it. Thank heavens he loves balloons as much as I do. He often will sacrifice comfort to try to make it through just one launch or one glow. (Tomorrow's photos are from previous years; Lizard did not feel up to a road trip yesterday for the final day of the Lift Off.)

Lizard kept asking me if we could have caffeine, which he takes for tremors. Caffeine would make me tremor for hours, but for whatever reason, it has the opposite affect on people with Parkinson's. Some patients even have caffeine prescriptions. I tried to encourage Lizard to wait until evening for his high-octane caffeine beverage, which actually helps him sleep, and he kept asking if WE could have caffeine. After about 15 minutes of a conversation I felt was going nowhere, it dawned on me he was asking for Café Rio, one of his favorite restaurants. We haven't gone out to eat much at all since I retired, thanks to the expense but compounded by his anxiety and claustrophobia in the car. Since it looked like the balloon glow was going to be a bust, I thought it might be fun to treat him. Off we headed to Castle Rock, which once every month or two was our "date day" on Saturdays before I retired.

We ate half our chicken (his) and veggie (mine) bowls in the restaurant, which we rarely did back before retirement. We would take it home to eat, or eat in the car in the shade if the weather wasn't too hot. This beautiful Saturday afternoon, eating in the restaurant was very peaceful. We arrived just before 4, and the restaurant wasn't packed like usual. There were only two other diners. We didn't sit under the air conditioner, which really bothered Lizard the last time we ate in, and the music wasn't too loud this time.

The day was sort of like date night. The whole day, actually. Lizard was considerate of me. That was missing this time last week. (He had shut me out of the bedroom because he thought I was a hallucination. He wanted his best friend back as much as I long for mine.) He doesn't often realize I have feelings anymore, and in my burst of grief (after I finally got him to sleep), I cried myself to sleep, then felt guilty the next morning for being so selfish. Saturday was a complete turnaround. I know moments like these are extremely fleeting, but Saturday was so special, and I so needed it. I had prayed to see a glimpse of my best friend again, and that's exactly what I got. I want to shout from the rooftops that Lizard was back for a day.

After we got home, I laid on the love seat because my back was so sore. Lizard tried to cover me with my fleece. He did think the homeless people he thinks are living in our house rent-free had peed on it, so he wanted to wash it first. Then he asked it if was mine because he thought someone else was using it, but he wanted to make me comfortable. That was such an awesome moment. Gigantic. This is the guy I married, and he came back to me for a few minutes. It was precious. Thank you, God, for giving me back my sweetheart for a few precious hours!

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Back in the Virtual Saddle

The Triple Bypass was a few weeks ago. The Leadville 100 was the weekend before last. Lizard has enjoyed watching some of the videos riders have posted, as well as live feeds when he can get them. When you give a YouTube video a thumb's up, YouTube throws more videos at you it assumes you want.

We continually block old LA videos without watching them. But we've been seriously and addictively enjoying Coors Classics videos from the 80s. Lizard says he was interested each time the pro cycling race made a stop in his hometown of Grand Junction, but he didn't really follow any races back then other than the Tour de France, which wasn't easily available in any streaming form back then.

I'd heard of Greg LeMond as a teen; he was my brothers' hero. The champion US cyclist was developing quite the following even in southern New Mexico, where I lived (and cycled) back then. I didn't know back then there were bike races other than the Tour, though. Watching those old videos now, both Lizard and I experienced a pang of guilt for the feelings LA provoked in us toward LeMond through LA's attempt to deflect accusations and fraud. Before that, both of us admired LeMond. I even sought one of his bikes for more than a year after my first Ride the Rockies because I got to test ride one, and I LOVED it.

I never did find my Tourmalet, and we never got to meet LeMond, but it sure is fun watching him battle Bernard Hinault in the Coors Classic.

I didn't know about Davis Phinney until Lizard and I met him and his wife Connie Carpenter at Ride the Rockies. The retired pro and Olympic cyclist and his Olympic cyclist (and speed skater!!!) wife weren't riding by then. (But their son Tayler was!) Davis was our first introduction to Parkinson's. We had no idea back then the role Parkison's or Davis would take in our lives a decade later. Words cannot explain how it felt to watch a much younger Davis in those old videos pump his fists into the air as he crossed finish lines. Joy for what he felt then; grief for what he experiences now; sadness for what I've watched Lizard lose over the past eight years. And yet, seeing him whole and experiencing tremendous joy.

Ron Kiefel was a speaker at Ride the Rockies, too. The retired pro and Olympic Cyclist also sold me my first non-department store bike after my first Ride the Rockies (and after I couldn't find a LeMond Tourmalet anywhere). He also would present cycling workshops to help wannabes like me prepare for Ride the Rockies. I learned SO much from him that helped me power through seven Ride the Rockies. I enjoyed watching him win stages in the old Coors Classic videos.

News of women's cycling rarely ever makes headlines. Back in the 80s, the Coors Classic included a women's race, and the old films include highlights. (Connie Carpenter won it three times!) Lizard had ridden up Pikes Peak in the company of Jeannie Longo, whom I hadn't heard of when we cycled up the 14er in the short-lived organized ride. Watching Jeannie Longo win back-to-back Coors Classics really helped me appreciate Lizard being able to keep her pace riding up a long, stiff climb decades later.

The old videos make me wish we could step back in time to our cycling days, when Lizard and I would ride Colorado Monument (known as Tour of the Moon during the Coors Classic) together and watch the USA Pro Cycling Challenge, Colorado Trail Race or Leadville 100 in person. When we could climb 14ers in July and then get a hotel room so we could watch the Tour de France (because we didn't have a TV (by choice) at home back then). Oh, and enjoy big, fat customized smothered burritos at the Blue Iguana, which is gone now. When we would ride Vail Pass over the pro cyclist names still visible on the pavement. When I would photograph Lizard participating all along the Triple Bypass or the Double Triple route, his favorite rides.

Even a ride up Waterton Canyon now would be such a thrill! I haven't given up hope. I've got Lizard back in PT with the goal of trying to get him back on his bike. Our glory days may not be the same as two decades ago, but just like the Coors Classic, good rides never lose their magic. Even if they can only be watched instead of pedaled.

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