Begin Again

About 14 months ago, I re-opened my Etsy shop and set up a social media page to increase the visibility of all my websites. Because I'd retired. And medical bills did not.

I've put a nearly daily effort into maintaining the social media site to try to bring in more traffic to my Etsy shop, my Zazzle shop, my Spoonflower shop, my greeting cards and my photography. I couldn't do any longterm time commitments because Lizard's needs are too great, and that's my priority. But every litte thing helps the bottom line, especially with the dental bill. Is there a toothy smiling emoticon???

Saturday, my social media world came crashing down around me as I unexpectedly lost administrative access due to perhaps pushing a wrong button when navigating the prompts that would occasionally pop up to con me into some other service I did not want or need. The 14 months I've put into the Snowcatcher social media page were suddenly a relic of the past, and something I could no longer manage. The page is still there and viewable. But I cannot access any of the data, and I can't respond to messages sent to that account. I can't even read messages sent to that account.

I spent nearly three hours with various AI bots trying to help me figure out the problem, all to no avail. I finally got a real human, which didn't last long enough because I was suddenly having to prove who I am and ownership of my assets. I wasn't fast enough in documenting all that was requested of me, and the "conversation" was terminated. I've tried to initate conversations with other real humans, but the AI bots are either unresponsive or not transmitting the data.

I melted down into a puddle of tears three times on Saturday, perhaps realizing I would have to just start over again, plain and simple. I didn't want to. I wanted back the work I'd put into building the page.

About halfway through the Saturday ordeal, the sound of a cash register emerged from my phone. I'd made my third sale on Etsy since I re-opened the shop!!! I quickly notified the buyer I would get the package to the post office within the hour but that I may have already missed the deadline for the package to go out that day. And Monday was a holiday. Tuesday would be the earliest it could go out.

The buyer did not respond, so perhaps was aware the package might not be trackable until today.

I prepared the label to ship my package, and once again, third time's a charm, my printer would not print. After battling the printer for a good half hour, I drove to the nearest Kinko's to print my label. Also printed my coloring page handouts for my class on Sunday. SO, so thankful I did that instead of wage war with the printer again.

I've had to replace my printer three times since I began working from home in March of 2020. My sweet neighbors have a grandson I'm convinced will be a rocket scientist like his dad when he grows up. He has asked for each of my failed printers, phones, computers, external hand drives... He takes them apart to see how they work. He's 13 now, and he can build a computer by himself. My current printer will find such a good new home this week! I feel a tiny bit guilty for getting joy out of knowing what is to become of that piece of machinery. But I'm also so thrilled to be contributing to this boy's curiosity and drive.p>

I decided to stay away from the computer all day Sunday to reduce the stress I might be inflicting upon Lizard. NOTE: Awesome day, in spite of everything that transpired the day before. Oh, and a live support agent tried to call me in the middle of the night too early Sunday morning, when my phone was silenced to prevent anything from waking Lizard. Probably lost out on my final chance to talk to a live person, but Lizard got a good night's sleep, for which I am so grateful.

Monday morning I was back at my computer trying to get help, and nothing worked. Nothing the support agents suggested worked. I still had no access. And I'd re-read Patrick Kearon's message on fresh new beginnings, and I decided to seize a fresh, new beginning. I started my Snowcatcher page all over again from scratch and asked my 435 friends and loved ones to please smash that like button and follow once again. I'd never begged for attention like that before, and I hope I don't have to do it again. But I was amazed at the outpouring of love I received within minutes.

The best part of this whole experience, though, was during one of my salty tear weak spots, when Lizard, who'd been offering to do anything he could to help (he isn't able to operate a phone or a computer anymore), responded to my heartbroken plea of, "Will you still love crybaby me me in heaven?" He put his hand on my knee and responded with such tenderness, "Of course." Boy, did I ever marry the right guy!

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Friday Fortius

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Friday Fortius

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Too Cute to Not Try

I tried my hand at craft fairing again last December, and although it was not a great experience, I did dip my crochet hook back into the amigurumi pot for the first time in what feels like forever.

I kept seeing these cute little hedgehogs that were just irresistable. I came up with a pattern, and I made a handful. I sold one. Many people said they were adorable. But they did not sell.

That's only part of the story, though. My first hedgehog was a big fail. It stares hopelessly at me every time I get on my computer because I placed it at the base of my monitor. I don't know what else to do with it. It's pretty useless. But I can't bring myself to cut it up to reclaim the glow beads. :)

My thread chickens, however, DID turn out adorable. I didn't sell a single one. But man, are they ever cute!!!

Every time I've ever made amigurumi, I've always had to try a thread version. The hedgehog was the first one that just didn't work.

Maybe I'll try again one day. This time with smaller beads...

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The Autumn of My Husband's Being

Not written by my Lizard, but heavily felt by him as well as the author, whose writing still shines with such radiant talent. Shared with permission.

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No Flake Monday

The pattern for today's snowflake isn't finished yet, and I sincerely apologize. I tried my best. Just couldn't get it done in time. The flake is awesome, so it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy a few real snowflakes from last year.

I got a few shots I think might be outstanding last February or so, but life's been so crazy, I've downloaded the camera and backed up the images, but I have not edited. I know there are good flakes in there, but I haven't looked at them.

There have been a couple of snowstorms in the mountains, but I haven't been able to get up there for photography or hiking.

We normally have our first flakes of the year by now, but we're still in the heat dome with no relief in the ten-day forecast. So these images are making me super homesick for real snowflakes!

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Resilience

We’ve been shut-ins the past three months dealing with Parkinson's-induced health issues. We've been walking around the block the last couple of weeks, and last weekend we enjoyed our first hike since last summer. Lizard "hit a wall" about 3/4 of the way through this hilly 2.2-mile loop, and I wondered if I'd have to flag a park ranger to get us back to our car. But Lizard pressed on and said he finally got his second wind about a quarter mile later. He completed the entire loop! Each time Parkinson's throws a road block at us, we are never sure how much he will get back. I honestly did not know if he'd be able to do more than a few hundred feet today, but he's constantly vowing to kick Parkinson's to the curb. Boy, did he ever do that today!!!

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Not Bored

I'm really battling the temptation to finish this row and call it good.

I still love this project. I think it's one of the best things I've ever crocheted. I truly treasure it.

Yet it has been SO difficult to keep up with daily motifs the last few weeks. Fourth quarter is always difficult, and this year has been a doozie. Other commitments are robbing me of my motivation and even my desire to crochet. I suppose this is what happened to my quilting one year ago...

I began my 2023 crochet temperature project on January 1, but a few days into the project, I was so excited about the colors, I added motifs for December 31, then December 30, then December 29... I just couldn't stop. I loved the colors so much, and I loved the look of our constantly changing weather as interpreted by my hand-dyed crochet thread. In a single day, I went all the way back to December 15. So, technically, my "year" will be a complete year on December 14. Well, except the day I skipped last spring because I'd already worked three side-by-side identical motifs.

I'm running out of three more colors. My schedule for the next four weeks doesn't look very accommodating. Although I am able to catch up when I get behind, I get discouraged when I get behind. I have to keep reminding myself how I will feel if I quit early. So, I'm telling myself to keep going seven more days. Because if I make seven more motifs, I have to go to darned near the end of the year to finish the next 16-motif row. I keep telling myself, "I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!"

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Routines

"I've put your 9:30 a.m. pills right here on the counter with a note to remind you when you can eat. Don't take the pills until your alarm goes off, okay?"

"You have to go to work today???"

"Yes, I have to go to work today. So I'm getting your pills ready for you. And here are the times you can eat."

"I thought you had the day off."

"I wish I did. I'll be back home as fast as I can."

You've heard of Christmas in July?

"...as fast as I can" didn't happen for 12 hours. At the office where I work, we played Fourth Quarter in August. I can't complain because it means I can make my house payment. We can have food on our table. And yet, it is SO hard to be SO busy SO soon. I'm accustomed to being crazy busy throughout October, November and December. Trying to leave home for a few hours these days sometimes feels a bit like what a new mom must experience when she has to leave a newborn behind.

It's really hard to leave Lizard home alone. 3.5 years of being Safer at Home is magnifying my current emotions. Well, that and the rapid progression of Parkinson's...

How did I survive decades of these crazy hours pre-pandemic???

Oh, that's right. We were weekend warriors. We lived for weekends. We lived on weekends. It was okay to be working stiffs during the week because we knew the weekend would bring us back to life.

Now the week and the weekend are relatively the same as well as somewhat boring compared to the life we used to live. I was never much of a homebody until Lizard's first surgery. Then came the pandemic, and we had no choice but to become full-time homebodies.

I can work on my garden and/or landscaping during the summer - when it's not too hot. I hope to be able to return to quilting at least on weekends the other three seasons. I can do many things I want to do... at home.

Yet something is missing. Something I probably won't get back. Not in this lifetime.

I start feeling a tad sorry for myself, then I have to yank myself back into reality and try to imagine how this must feel for Lizard.

I'm still able to explore fiber and electronic adventures. Lizard's daily challenge is to keep a positive attitude when he's lost nearly every thing he loves. His adventures are limited to navigating life without a babysitter, which he despises. Both the need for a caretaker and the act of necessary supervision altogether. He is disgusted he can't on a whim take off on his bike for a 70-mile ride. He abhors being confined to low-altitude and four walls. He resents not being able to snack whenever he gets the urge. Not being able to speak clearly or remember important things causes him endless distress. He detests not being able to work the computer, the phone or remote controls now. And he utterly loathes having to take approximately 27 different medications and supplements every single day.

"Why do I have to take this pill?"

"That one helps calm your nerves."

"I thought that's what the yellow one was for. Why do I have to take two that do the same thing?"

"This one helps control your tremors."

"That's what the levo... that's what the carbi... that's what the dopey one is supposed to do! Why do I have to take all these?!? Why do I have to take so many pills?"

Unfortunately, that conversation, or others very similar, is a routine slice of our weekly routine these days, as is the "You have to go to the office today?" conversation. As are the five-time daily alarms to remind us it's time to take a pill or pills, the yellow sticky tabs all over the house to remind us of tasks such as turning off the water or lights, and making sure the cane is always nearby. Quarterly visits to the endocrinologist and neurologist. Semi-annual blood draws and primary care checkups. Monthly notifications of prescriptions ready to be picked up. Near-daily discovery of a new loss of ability to do something that used to be easy or automatic.

Humor, we are learning, is the key to survival. Dreaming new (achievable) dreams, discovering new hobbies, literally walking new paths. Enjoying quiet time together. Tender touching. Holding hands. Eye contact. Smiles.

We may have pain, but we can turn that pain upside down like a frown into a smile and make it into a family joke. Laughter, after all, is the very best medicine. We can help each other be stronger. We can encourage each other through hard times. We can cheer each other's success.

Together we are stronger. It is not an easy road. But, together, we can tackle just about anything. Together, we can make it. Together, we WILL make it.

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