13 August 2010

Friday Funny

Hold on to your britches!Some days are so busy, I work straight through lunch. Sometimes I sneak out for a few moments to run an errand and just get away from my desk for a few minutes.

Such was the case the day I had to make a deposit before paying my mortgage.

I was standing in line at the bank, waiting for a teller, when the unthinkable happened. The drawstring in my full, circular peasant skirt inexplicably broke. I was able to catch the skirt before it literally fell to my feet, but I had no way to fix it or even temporarily pin it. Of course. Life's Most Embarrassing Moments never happen when it's convenient.

The line of customers didn’t phase me one bit when I first joined it. Now, however, time seemed to stand still. I could hear one teller counting change; I think her customer must have been depositing 6,000 pennies, one at a time. The other teller busily itemized a stack of checks from a zipper bag for a massive commercial deposit. The stack of checks looked three inches thick. What business are they in, I wondered. I should be in that business!

A saying my mom used to spout off all the time when my younger siblings and I grew impatient came to mind.

"Just hold your britches," Mom would scold us.

If I'd had a free hand, I might have called to tell her I was holding my... well, not britches, but she'd get the idea. I can still imagine how hysterically she would have laughed. (When I shared this story with The Lizard, he nearly fell out of his chair laughing.)

The waistline of my skirt felt as if it was growing by the mile, and it was becoming more and more difficult to hold in place, even though I was trying not to move at all. Suddenly, another teller entered the lobby and began counting her drawer. Then another.

"Oh, great," I thought to myself. "Some one is monitoring the lobby and sent two more tellers out because the line is so long, and this is all being recorded, and here I am trying to keep my skirt from falling off. Live on Candid Camera." (The Lizard said he'd pay high dollar for this tape. But maybe I shouldn't disclose that...)

When I finally made it back to my office, I rummaged through my desk looking for a safety pin. When that search came up unproductive, I realized I always have at least one crochet hook in my commute bag. And yarn. Or thread. Something in that bag will work!

Five minutes later, I emerged from an empty office a new woman. Confidence restored. But I still think I’ll never wear that skirt again.
broken cords do not a happy camper make


  1. Ha ha ha :D. I did not know if I should cry or laugh when reading your story :).

    Are you sure, it was not the Candid Camera :)and all was arranged?

  2. Neferi, you made me laugh!

    I would have serious issues with Candid Camera if they did this to me intentionally. Serious issues! Like, painting their camera lens with grape jelly or something! :D

  3. o my, what a story. It´s like the commercial when the lady drops her trousers. But of course, she was on a diet. :)

    Is the biking season over now? You seem keen to start photoshopping again? Not yet for me anyway. But will keep that image in mind.

  4. Ha! Loved this -- in spite of your embarrassment. Yeah, I think I might ditch the devil skirt but please don't donate that one to a shelter. It might pull the same shenanigans on the next owner!!

  5. You might have given the old guys in line some excitement for the day though! Hilarious. And for what it's worth, I'd be trashing that skirt too.

  6. LOL! I thought things like this only happened to me! I love the fabric in that skirt! You must wear it again! You fixed it now. :)

  7. If you put on your bike shorts under the skirt it will never fall down again. I dunno why. It just won't. Murphy's Mom's Law or something.

    Don't even ask me how I know that.


  8. Ti, you nearly brought down the house with that one!!!

    You know, had I been wearing bike shorts, I could have let the skirt fall to the ground. Then pick it up and sling it over my shoulder and walk with plenty of hip movement, like a runway model. That would have given the bank camera something to record, wouldn't it!

    For the curious, I think the skirt might wind up as a quilt element. Love the fabric too much to just throw it out.

  9. OMG, it's a good thing you have quick hands and caught your skirt on the way down. And you didn't get pulled over on the way back to your office! What a riot!!!


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