Change of Heart

Typically, when I ask AI to render an image to illustrate one of my blog posts, it takes several renderings before I can finally get something at least a little close to the artwork I can see in my head. Not this time! AI got it right on the first render!!! (The AI-generated exploding laptop video below took three tries, and I gave up after that.)

Sometimes, the frustration of working with AI is not that much different from trying to eek a bit more life out of a 2016 laptop.

Why do I even trust this stupid piece of machinery anymore??? I have a 2022 model I'm using right now to type this. (Besides the fact that the new computer is on a standing desk, and sometimes, it's just nice to sit...) The old laptop is no longer supported. It can't run most of my programs. And it crashes so darned often!

The main reason I keep the old laptop is because it runs a legacy version of Photoshop, which runs filters and actions I purchased years and years ago. The new laptop doesn't support that version of Photoshop, and I can't run any of my purchased filters on the new laptop. New versions of most of these filters were never created. There are all kinds of tutorials on YouTube demonstrating how to create the effects, such as kaleidoscopes, which was (and still is) my favorite Photoshop filter. I've actually learned how to manually make kaleidoscopes. But I like the old filter MUCH, MUCH better. I used to play with that thing for hours.

I have two apps on my phone that create kaleidoscopes as I take photos. They are fun to play with, but the control just isn't as refined.

And then there are the Fractalius filters. I don't use them as often anymore, but I loved having them so I could use them when I had the inkling to do so. I've purchased them again for the new computer. They've never worked. I've tried every mode of help I can find, and we cannot get the filters to work on my newer laptop.

So every once in a while, I resort to editing photos on the old laptop. It's something I can do quietly while Lizard is watching television. Here is my most recent old laptop Photoshop Fractalius image.

I've also become very accustomed to responding to emails on the old laptop for the very same reason. I can do it quietly while Lizard is watching TV. I can do Bible study on the old laptop because it doesn't interfere with Lizard's nightly Star Trek obsession. Last April, I realized I could keep notes from General Conference on the old laptop while Lizard and I watched the live stream together. I planned to do the same thing again during the October General Conference.

I began having difficulty accessing the internet on the old laptop three days before Conference began. No big deal, really, because I don't do much internetting on that computer other than email. I just need it to save what I create to my private network so I can later access it on the newer computer. I should have taken that hint to not be so trusting of old technology. But did I listen to the prompting???

By the third speaker during the first Saturday session, I'd lost internet access on the old laptop (the TV was still fine, so I knew it wasn't an internet outage). Not a problem, except that I couldn't save my notes to my network. I decided to reboot to see if that would make a difference. I had to take notes from the next two speakers on my phone because the old laptop takes so long to start up. When I finally got back onto the old laptop, I still couldn't access the internet. So I couldn't email my phone notes to myself to copy and paste. I had to retype them. I was frustrated. But I had my notes. I had to repeat this process in the afternoon and then again in the evening. I was growing in frustration, but I had my notes.

Sunday morning, the same thing happened. This time, the laptop would not even save my notes from the first two speakers. I'd made the fatal mistake of saving all of my conference notes from each of the sessions in one document. I was scared I was going to lose all my notes from Saturday, too. I took photos of the computer screen before I attempted to reboot, then checked my new laptop to see if I had anything at all on the network. The network copy had only the first two speakers from Saturday. I was beyond frustrated. I was ready to yell. I wanted to throw the old laptop out the back window.

While this was happening, Ulisses Soares was speaking. Even though I was frustrated and even desperate in trying to save my notes, I was listening. I was modifying my behavior as he spoke because of the things he said. I never yelled. I didn't slam anything. I did cry. Boy, did I cry. But I acted with temperance, something that doesn't always come naturally for me these days. I shut down the old laptop. I moved the newer laptop into the living room and set it up so I could retype all my notes I'd photographed with my phone. I finished taking notes from the morning session of conference, then spent the break retyping what I'd lost. I then "rewound" the morning session of conference to listen to Elder Soares again to make sure I absorbed every single thing he said. And I'm glad I did. I needed it. I need to listen to this talk every single day until I can change my heart and my instincts. I want to be more Christlike. And I'm thankful for the lesson this experience has taught me.

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