Q: Does it work on werewolves?
A: Only if you add a cup of silver with it. But werewolves aren't pests if you feed them right.
A: Only on American werewolves in London.
A: I rub them on my children and stuff them in their pants pockets when it's a full moon, and so far they have exhibited no further symptoms, though we do have to continue waxing their unibrows. But they had those before.
A: Placed some pouches around the window perimeter, and the werewolf merely peered through the glass. It did not attempt to break through glass and enter. Great product.
A: Yes, but only in conjunction with wooden stakes, which are sold separately.
Q: Will this make you a friend to the penguins?
A: I wore it in Antarctica and the penguins kept bringing me fish. I wouldn't say you become a friend to the penguins, you become their leader.
Q: Will wearing this mask make me more susceptible to attacks by leopard seals?
A: I didn't have a problem with leopard seals. Probably due to an advanced defensive perimeter designed against them. But I did have issues with small children trying to take it so they could have a turn.
A: I have found that, at least in the state of Washington, this is not a common problem. Can't guarantee for your location, however. Hope this helps!
Review: I needed a mask to wear in the shops due to contagion restrictions. The staff in my local co-op weren’t happy about this, so I pecked at them, then went home to throw up dead fish in the faces of my children.
Review: REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE - STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.
Greetings carbon-based earth creature, I am Glatpok Zorthruus the son of a retired Supreme Galactic General in the Xorplaxian Army and a former minister. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable carbon-based earth creature to handle a very confidential transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of Xorplaxian currency to a foreign account.
There were series of contracts executed by an Interstellar Consortium of Planets for the Ministry in which my father was minister on our homeworld. The original values of these contracts were deliberately over-invoiced to the tune of forty-one bazillion Xorplaxian Gluurts. The over-invoiced sum he purposed to acquire for himself after retirement. Unfortunately, things took another turn.I will explain more to you when you show your interest to assist me. Consequently, I am looking for someone who will help us (my father and I) to receive the money on our behalf. Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20% of the total transferred sum. While we shall take 75% and the balance 5% has been set aside to take care of any expenses you shall incure in the process of the transfer of this fund.
Yours faithfully,
Prince Glatpok Zorthruus
Commander of the Xorplaxian Fifth "Purple Zithanportap" BrigadeV
P.S. We will require initial investment to be made with one bazillion Xorplaxian Gluurts' worth of UFO-01 Detectors.
Review: Worked like a charm. I purchased this book because I was tired of people sitting too near me on public transportation.
Review: My grandma loved it. You could tell by the look on her face that she liked it.
Review: Came full of rats and spider webs. But Grandpa kept a straight face, so that's gotta be worth something.
Review: When we opened it up, we found a bunch of bones and dust. After a few days of thorough cleaning, it looked good as new. The smell was still there though, so had a closed casket funeral.
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