Less than 72 hours after he came home, Lizard valiantly completed his Parkinson's battle.
It's 3 a.m. I've been awake since 1 a.m. I can't sleep. I wake often in the night to help Lizard, and he's no longer there.
I miss Lizard. I want back the Lizard who didn't have Parkinson's. The Lizard he is now. Now that I can't see him. Hold him. Be wrapped in his arms.
My gosh, I miss him so much.
I didn't think I'd have to go so long without him. I thought we'd have more time.
I know he is whole now, and I know we will be together again one day. I'm trying to cherish and be thankful for all the adventures we shared. I'm trying to remember how exhuberant he was every morning until a couple of years before he was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I'm trying to remember every joyful moment with him. I'm doing my best to be faithful and hopeful. There are moments of exquisite joy. There are moments of excruciating agony.
I would never want him to have to endure that suffering again. But I miss him so much.
My heart goes out to you. Not sure anything said will help but I wanted to acknowledge Lizard’s passing and the vast chasm that has opened in your heart. May you find moments of joy in your memories and comfort with friends and family.
ReplyDeleteThank you. There are so many wonderful memories. And I am thankful for that.
DeleteI will be praying for you both.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I can feel the prayers.
DeleteMy heart hurts for you, dear friend. May God give you strength and healing rest, and may Lizard's memory be a blessing.
ReplyDeleteThank you. So many tender mercies. I know he's happy and whole now. I'm trying every day to be grateful for the time we had.
DeleteDear Deborah, I am so sorry for you loss. Although we know our loved ones are at a better place and the suffering is over, so we are happy for them, we as human beings still living on this planet feel empty without them. Life has turned upside down. I’m feeling with you. I wish you family and close friends who help you through. xxx Regula
ReplyDeleteThank you. I do indeed feel empty and hollow. Sometimes it feels like the pain will never end. But I am trying very hard to be thankful he is no longer suffering and for all the wonderful adventures we were able to enjoy together.
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on December 3rd, so I know the pain and emptiness. Like you, I thought we would have more time. I went through GriefShare. They said was it takes 6 to 9 months to get through the initial shock. I told my friends I'm claiming 9 months. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nancy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've heard six to nine months, too. In a way, I don't want it to go faster. I don't want to forget him. And yet, there are times when the pain feels like it will never heal. Hugs right back at you.
DeleteOh I am so very sorry. I am so proud of you for the love and care you both had for each other. You were his rock. Hugs to you friend
ReplyDeleteThank you, Alycia. We did indeed have something pretty special. I'm trying to hang onto those memories. I know with time, the painful memories of how difficult the last two years were for him will fade, and the adventures we shared will endure. Thank you for the hugs. I sure need them right now.
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